


Turning the tide

by Anae



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Gen, How does one tag? I'm old, Keith (Voltron)-centric, Season/Series 04 Spoilers, how not to solve your problems 101 by keith
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-22 15:13:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12484540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anae/pseuds/Anae
Summary: “I brought you here to tell you this: sometimes what we are searching for does not exist. We may sacrifice for it, even bleed for it, but it was never meant to be ours.”― Esther Dalseno, DrownPart of story of a boy who found family among the stars, feelings of a lost soul who gave up his family for their sake.Aka S4E1 meta and a little more.





	Turning the tide

_“I brought you here to tell you this: sometimes what we are searching for does not exist. We may sacrifice for it, even bleed for it, but it was never meant to be ours.”_

_― Esther Dalseno, Drown_

 

They had formed Voltron.

With _Shiro_.

Equal parts of happiness, joy, hurt and pain bloomed in Keith’s chest, grey-violet eyes wide in surprise upon the news one of the Blades delivered. Shiro was finally, finally, back in the team as its rightful leader, as it was supposed to be. Which, in turn, meant…

_“…that makes six paladins. But there are only five lions.”_

Which meant…

Keith didn’t have to look to see Kolivan and the other Blade to know their eyes were trained on him, gauzing his reaction to the unexpected news. There was a question lingering in the air, but true to Galra way, the silence was preferred over unnecessary words. Keith could’ve answered the unspoken inquiry – or worse, bared the cacophony of emotions twirling up and around inside his heart – but instead, he chose to turn his back to them, to walk out of the room without batting an eye. “Don’t leave just yet.”

He was hyperaware of Kolivan’s yellow eyes burning holes to his back as he walked away.

Metallic doors whirled open. “Guys, I-“ Keith started, halting as he looked at his teammates. The accusatory stares, disappointment written on everyone’s faces, anger on their rigid body language – it was enough to make the words die on his lips before they even formed. This was hardly the first time Keith faced disappointment – school, foster parents, Garrison, Shiro – but it was one of the few times it actually meant something, one of the few times it truly hurt.

It was bad enough to have disappointed Shiro over and over and over again, but coupling it with display of the other team members’ feelings – it washed away every argument, any justification he might’ve had. It was no secret the team didn’t appreciate Shiro’s lenience towards him, the way he let him go on missions with the Blades. It was easy to know from pokes and prods and hints they’d been throwing around, from the lecture he neither wanted nor needed, lecture that was just repeat from what Shiro had been saying for weeks, maybe months by now – it wasn’t the knowledge he was lacking, but time. In the beginning they’d all shared the faith that helping the Blades was a good thing – the team had been supportive, excited for him even – when had it changed? At what point had it come to this?

Keith didn’t want to look at them, opting to turn his head to side. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help”, he breathed out. It wasn’t enough, would never again be – the words had been said one too many times for anyone to believe in them. Keith should know – the string of meaningless apologies from supposed friends and so-called parents in his life had been infinite. The difference between them and Keith was that he meant it, that he was sorry every single time – but repeated things with little to no backup tended to lose their importance.

Allura’s voice pulled Keith back to the present, forcing him to face the brewing storm. “You keep saying you’re sorry, but your actions say otherwise. Do you realize your absence put the team in jeopardy?”

Frustration.

“And not just the team, the refugees as well!”

Anger.

“Matter of fact, the entire quadrant was in danger!”

Disbelief.

Like this, it wasn’t hard to believe that the cracks between him and the rest of the team had always been there, ever since the beginning – part of him wanted to dismiss that possibility, dismiss the fear that maybe it had been the same with Shiro too, ever since their Garrison days. Maybe it all had been a small crack in the beginning but because of him, because of his choices and actions, those fractures had spread, grown wide and far, forming effective rift that could no longer be sealed.

Very small part of Keith, the part had been there once upon a time, wanted to raise its voice, to yell back at them _–_ I know, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to – but what good would that do? They were right. He had put the team in jeopardy, risked not just Voltron but everyone, everything else as well. Without Shiro, they’d be dead. And the reason for all of it was his inability to be there for the team. It wasn’t that he didn’t understand, it was just…

Being with the Blades was easy. Keith knew his place there, knew where he stood. As he had once known with Voltron. Nowadays, though? Shiro and the others wanted him to be the leader but at the same time they didn’t. Shiro hadn’t piloted Black since his return, not before today, but he had been the one calling the shots, in and out of battles. Which was fine by Keith but… How were you supposed to lead if someone else already did?

“This is not the way I wanted this to happen”, Keith admitted, avoiding their eyes again. It had been so clear since the beginning, why weren’t they able to see it? Despite Shiro’s wishes, hopes – something he had trampled to the ground and shattered into million translucent pieces by now – he wasn’t meant to lead. The frustration that had been building from every talk, every rebuttal with Shiro was gone though, leaving just bone-aching exhaustion behind.

Keith hadn’t wanted to pilot Black, had begged the lion not to choose him – what Black should’ve done was to choose Allura or Lance, even Pidge or Hunk – anyone but him. “But”, Keith lifted his gaze, daring to look at the rest of the team again, “if there’s a bright side to any of this, it’s that my absence allowed Shiro to re-establish his bond with the Black Lion. He can finally be the leader I was unable to be.”

Keith had always known it. He wasn’t meant to lead. Shiro was natural, true-born leader through and through, someone people could count on to make the right decisions. The team formed Voltron with ease with Shiro on the lead. He hadn’t been there to see it, not today, but he had experienced it too many times not to know – besides, if there’d been a problem, the Blades would’ve known. Forming Voltron in the impossible situation like that – Keith was proud of them. Proud of his team.

With him in the reigns, they’d been able to form Voltron. But there had been so many – far too many – times he should’ve just stopped and listened, far too many times Lance had had to serve as his impulse control.

That was not how a leader should’ve been.

He knew this, acknowledged it. Yet the pile of regret and shame burned as he swallowed it all. “I’m not meant to pilot the Black Lion.”

There. The truth, finally out there.

Part of Keith was relieved when he saw the tension was bleeding out from his teammates postures, anger fading from their eyes but the other part... not so much. As the layers faded, others shone brighter. Disappointment. Disbelief.

Kindness.

There was almost sympathy in Allura’s voice when she asked if that was the reason he’d been pulling away from them.

It was an out, and Keith took it. “Yeah. I suppose that’s part of it.” It was easier to skip over the fact that it hadn’t been purposeful, at least not in the beginning. He had just wanted to help, to do something he could. Even if that was something the Blade of Marmora had been doing for thousands of years, long before his time – and would continue to do so, with or without him.

“Part of it?” Of course Hunk caught it up. “What’s the other part of it?”

In the silence of his mind, Keith decided it was better if Shiro and the others didn’t know the entire truth – it was better for them to believe he’d been planning this for a long time. After all, the Blades and their mission mattered to him – they were making a difference even if it wasn’t Voltron. It hurt that the team didn’t seem to see and value the sacrifices they were making within the Blades to reach the common goal. Instead of telling them that, instead of voicing all that jumble inside his head, it was easier to focus on what mattered right now to the Blades. The mission.

“A mission is being planned to infiltrate the supply line”, Keith explained. Kolivan might not be too happy about sharing the info just yet, but he would just have to understand. “It could take weeks, maybe months, to pull it off, but if there is a chance, we have…” Keith paused, eyes widening as the realization hit him. It was like a punch to the gut, sudden pain blooming without the actual hit, hurt starting from one small spot and spreading far and wide, burning through his entire chest. There was no we. Voltron was its own group. The Blade of Marmora its own. One couldn’t be both. He had tried, and that’s what had gotten them into this mess.

It didn’t change what needed to be done, though. “I have to take it. I need to be on that mission.”

Keith looked straight at his teammate, mentor, friend. The person who had changed his life back in the Garrison days, the first person not to give up on him. “Shiro.” It wasn’t like Keith hadn’t made it clear during these months – Voltron didn’t need him to be the leader. It needed Shiro. But Keith’s protests always been thrown back in his face, brushed aside with how Voltron needed him because he was Black’s pilot. But now, with Black finally accepting Shiro as its rightful paladin, that issue was solved, giving a chance that Shiro would finally, _finally_ , listen. “You are the rightful leader of this team. And you proved it today by reconnecting with the Black Lion. It was always meant to be yours.” _Not mine. Never mine._

Keith bit back the words, mentally willing the expanding ball of overwhelming feelings to stop spreading. Red had been his lion once. He could still recall the feel of that connection – strength, vibrancy, encompassment, the two-way street of give and take. With Black, it’d been… different. No bond was the same, only an idiot would’ve expected it to be - yet he had hoped – but it had felt more of a mutual acceptance than anything else. Whether it had been different for Zarkon and Shiro, Keith didn’t know. Hadn’t asked. Hadn’t wanted to know.

Now Red had a pilot. Black had a pilot. There were six paladins and five lions as Lance had well counted months – only months, yet it felt like a lifetime – ago. He couldn’t and wouldn’t go back. There was no Lion for him to pilot. Team Voltron was complete and effective without him.

It was the truth, and truth hurt, sometimes more than lies ever could. Deep inside, Keith felt like he was being pulled towards two directions that were meant to meet each other and cross in the middle, intertwine more than just quick brush here and there, but did not. Just months prior he had believed in the cross-section, believed to see them side by side, but his heart had just played tricks on him, letting him see something that didn’t exist. Mistake he hadn’t made in a long, long time.

There were two roads towards the same goal, separated by wide rift, and one couldn’t walk both.

One part of him, the new one that had steadily bloomed during the past few months, wanted to help the Blades, to be part of those operations. Keith knew he was capable, fast and fit to their dynamic as part of the everchanging teams on missions. The ideology, the willingness to leave comrade behind, even if it was for the common goal, was hard, but with time Keith knew he could learn to do it. There weren’t enough Blades, and he could help.

The second part however, the part that had existed for a longer time – the part that had bloomed like a thief in the night, slowly, steadily made its nest to his heart, building a home there, filling it with warmth without a warning – Voltron. Even if Keith was no longer paladin – realization that made his heart clench, that warm nest curl and burn, that ball of hurt to extend its branches, scrabbling over his lungs – even as an unneeded extra, he wanted to stay. Voltron was the one thing he hadn’t had to carve into the university all by himself. The first and only family he had ever had.

_Please let me go._

_Don’t let me leave, please._

_LetmegodontleavemepleaseletmepleasedontpleaseImsorrypleaseShiro–_

Shiro’s touch startled him.

“Keith. If you feel that this is what is right, then we won’t try to stop you.” The calm voice washed over Keith and suddenly, the choice was made. Whether it was really his or Shiro’s in the end, he wasn’t sure. He wanted to walk two roads on the different sides of the wide, deep, valley, torn apart by rift, makeshift bridge made of wishes already crumbling. Keith wanted both and hadn’t been able to make the choice between the two. The protests inside him died before they even formed. This was for the best. They would be better off without him here.

“But just know that we’re here for you whenever you need us.”

Small, bittersweet smile made its way to Keith’s lips. “I know you are.” The concept of having someone out there he could reach for if he ever needed someone? The thought was alien but warm, something invaluable. “And I can’t tell you how much that means to me.”

When Shiro offered his hand, Keith took it without a question. When Shiro pulled him to his chest and hugged him, Keith followed. It was all so familiar, yet so foreign – suddenly he had someone close to him again, someone supporting the decision made without questioning. It was something Keith never known before Garrison, before Shiro, and then he had lost it once, gained it back only to lose it again. Now, he had it back once more.

He didn’t want to lose it again.

“I can’t be left out of this!”

Keith didn’t have time to react – a good thing, probably – before rest of his team friends family was there, hugging him, crushing him and each other, burying their makeshift of a family with affection and adoration.

“We’re really gonna miss you!”

Yearning.

“Yeah, who am I gonna make fun of?”

Fondness.

“I know you’ll make us proud.”

Pride and acceptance.

Love.

The smile that spread on Keith’s face was brighter than any he had worn in months. It was the first time in ages that he felt that old connection, that foreign feeling they called belonging, called family, sparking again.

Too bad it wasn’t there to stay.

Keith’s smile faltered the second he turned at the door, eyes cast down the second they couldn’t see his face.

Voltron was had been his family. The first and only one he’d ever had, probably the only one he’d ever have. The bonds were there, and they were still friends, but even if Keith had permission to contact them if he needed someone, it didn’t mean he would. Shiro, Allura, Lance, Pidge, Hunk and even Coran had enough on their shoulders as it was – they didn’t need any extra package.

Besides, Keith had managed alone until Shiro came along, had managed while he was supposedly dead or gone. Twice. He could do it again. He would do it again.

 

Keith almost made it out of the ship. Almost.

Five steps and he’d made it to the deck, to the Galra ship – if it hadn’t been for a sudden nudge inside his head.

The touch made Keith stop on his tracks and whirl around, left hand already settled on the handle of the blade on his back, body tensing, ready to strike. But there was nothing there – nothing concrete, nothing he could hit, not from here.

He could feel Red. The connection was faint, but it could be felt. Keith trembled as he reached out towards something had he’d once had, something his heart and mind knew, yet had never expected to sense again. As the touch connected, he gasped at the jumble of emotions running through. Red’s familiar presence – strong, vibrant – filled his mind. She had been there the entire time even if they hadn’t reached out to each other – how could’ve he been so stupid? How could he not have realized that she was there, sitting on the place she’d claimed for herself ever since she’d accepted him?

Second brush from the opposite side made Keith almost jump out of his skin. The brush, almost a caress, wasn’t as intense, as burning as Red’s had been, but it was no weaker.

Black.

Keith was almost scared to reach out to her, but curiosity, wonder and longing won over. His touch was hesitant, careful and she responded in kind. He could almost hear her hesitant purr when their minds collided. Keith had always believed their bond to be nothing but a mutual acceptance, but now that Black was there, deliberately sweeping against his mind with no urgency, he realized it might’ve been just the way it was for her. Keith had never reached out to Black the way he had with Red – reaching out through to bond to calm his anger, frustration, shame – but maybe it was more on him than Black. He hadn’t wanted to be her paladin, hadn’t wanted to take Shiro’s place, hadn’t wanted her. Yet, despite all that, he had known that she’d be right there with him like Red had been – that belief had never faltered.

The lions had his back even now, even if he didn’t ask for it – they sensed, they knew something was wrong with their former paladin. Whether they realized he was about to leave for good or if it was his pain that made them both reach out, Keith didn’t know. But he could feel both lions curled around his mind so protectively – Black ready to stand between him and whatever the threat, Red ready to hiss and scratch anyone trying to get close.

They meant well, but having them both there, present inside his mind at the same time, unchained emotions running through the bonds – same yet different, all three of them – was overwhelming.

Keith had made his peace with leaving Voltron, made his decision not to reach out to them on personal level ever again. He had expected the bonds between them, both between paladins themselves and their lions, to disappear, but they hadn’t. The remnants had stayed, albeit unreached, untouched, but not unfelt.

The expanding ball, whirlwind of wave of hurt, pain, longing, regret, acceptance, and god knows what else was back, leaving nothing unaffected.

_Don’t._

The brushes, the way the lions curled around him so protectively – it was sincere, tender, loving even, but it hurt so much. Especially so when he wasn’t supposed to be part of it, not anymore. Never again, probably.

So Keith reached out, focusing on Black first. She stood there, proud and tall, curled next to him rather than around him, giving her paladin the space he needed. He touched at their bond, breathing out. It hurt to speak even though none of this was physical, it pained to breath out the two words, yet he had to try. He had to somehow convey all these feelings to her, to make sure she wouldn’t misunderstand. He’d been wrongly misjudged so many times – he couldn’t, wouldn’t, add Black to that endless list.

_I’m sorry._

Black didn’t have time to stop him or even react, Keith made sure of it. Aside from the desperate apologies, there was no warning as unbending wall rose between them, abruptly cutting the wave of signals, leaving Black to the opposite side of the wall. Keith heard the beginning of her pained roar but not the end of it – the wall severed it, closing their bond.

Keith cried out the moment Black’s presence vanished – it was like a slash slicing part of his own mind, part of his own heart – it was like a piece carved out, sound of sword piercing the skin, leaving only silent, gaping wound behind.

The silence didn’t last – the opposite part of his mind flared into life, flames burning with raging fire, fury towards the attacker flashing through the blaze.

Red.

Rage turned into worry, into confusion, into fear in the span in milliseconds as she realized the sin he had committed. Unaltered anguish and concern towards his well-being radiated from her like flickering flames – something Keith couldn’t comprehend. He felt her fear for him even though he was the one hurting them – she shouldn’t have worried for someone like him.

When Keith looked at her, he knew – she knew what he was going to do. Of course she did, she had known him since he bust that control panel, opening the airlock and setting her free – she had been the one to choose him.

_Please._

Instead of letting him go, she curled around him even tighter. She didn’t want to let him go, not even if she had her current paladin to fret about.

_I’m sorry. Red, I’m so sorry._

She knew all this. She knew why.

It didn’t make it any easier.

_Dontpartnerstoppaladinpleasedontdothis–_

He forcefully pushed her away as the wall came up, severing the connection between them.

Her pained roar mixed into his scream.

Keith’s vision swam with unshed tears as opened his eyes, only to find himself doubled over, hands clutching his chest. With ragged breaths he fumbled to the closest wall, one shaking hand setting onto it for feeble support. He heaved, hand clamping over his mouth, trying to keep the remnants of his breakfast inside.

Regret of hurting the lions flashed through his chest, remorse washing through his aching body and mind, drowning him into deepest sea, denying vital breaths for air. Hurting them wasn’t something he ever wanted to do, but… He wasn’t a paladin, not anymore. Red’s and Black’s focus should never be on him, not anymore. Allura had once told them that the bond between lions and their paladins were sacred and unbreakable, and Keith had no doubt both lions would be able to tear his make-shift walls down after they recovered in case they’d ever need to. But as of now, there was no need – nor desire – for it.

Keith forcefully lifted a second hand to wall for support, desperately willing his shaking to calm and ragged breaths to even. Pain was nothing new to him – hell, he had almost died yesterday. He knew how it felt to have lungs burning in effort to breath air that wasn’t there – but it didn’t compare to this, not even close.

The endless string of apologies ran through his mind, the need to apologize excruciating – but the only answer was dead silence. There was no one to hear, no one to listen for everyone was gone. He had chased them away.

Never during all of this – Voltron – had Keith realized that he hadn’t been alone, not in the castle, not inside his head. There had always been something, someone, for him. Voltron, both its Paladins and lions. Now, it was just silence. Everything was so quiet – no encouraging words, no calming touches, no soft purrs. Just drained, empty void with no sound.

Isolation. He had forgotten how it felt like.

Keith let out a shaking breath, trying to gather his mind and body, pushing all hurt and pain down. He needed to get out of here – needed to get out before someone from the Voltron team found him. Keith had no clue if he had screamed out loud and he did not want to linger to find out if it’d been heard. He also didn’t know how much lions talked to their paladins about their ex-partners, or if Shiro or Lance had felt Black and Red’s pain through the bonds. God, he hoped not. The last thing they needed from him was even more pain.

There was also a chance that if he took too long, Kolivan would leave him behind and that… that was actually the worst option of them all.

With single-minded dedication, Keith pushed himself up from the wall, turning his back to the place he used to call home. He swallowed pained, bitter bile that formed at the word home. There was a first time for everything – if this was how leaving home behind felt, he’d rather not have one again.

Second time within an hour, Kolivan’s yellow eyes were burning holes in him as he entered the ship, gauzing, contemplating. “Are you sure?”

“Yes”, he answered, refusing to look the Galra in the eye. Keith didn’t want to elaborate – it hurt enough already, and he couldn’t even trust his voice not to crack. Thankfully, after a moment of more unwelcome staring, his leader turned and gave a signal to lift the ramp.

Only then Keith let himself find a wall, slide along it to the ground and breathe again.

 

There was no subtlety in the way the Galra stared at Keith when they returned to the Blades headquarters – during these months Keith had helped them, he had stepped to the base only a few times and not once after the mission, not once on the aftermath of talking to Voltron team.

Things changed, though.

Keith was immensely grateful that no one said a word, no one criticized when he walked in after Kolivan, no one commented when a fellow Blade instructed him about their sleeping quarters. Whether it was Kolivan’s or someone else’s work or if it was just the Galra way or the Blades’ own way, Keith didn’t know. Didn’t care. Right now, he was just grateful to be left alone – he didn’t know how much more he could take.

“Kitten.”

Speak of the devil.

Keith turned at the familiar nickname – the Galra called their younglings kittens, and few of them had extended the term to him as well. It was something that used to both annoy and confuse him, but at his current state of exhaustion he was beyond caring.

There was a familiar female Galra leaning to the wall, and from what Keith could tell, there was slight concern written in her yellow eyes. “You can talk to us if you need to.”

The lump that he had failed to show down and away since he walked away from Voltron, from his only family, rose back up, all the way up to the back of his throat. The aching loneliness, defeating silence was back too, spreading like a wildfire, leaving nothing untouched.

Keith swallowed and blinked, hoping that his pokerface held or that the Galra weren’t able to read human-Galra-hybrid emotions as easily as they read each other. Keith had problems understanding and reading people in the first place, and Galra were proving to be even more difficult. Not that there was much need for small talk or bonding within the Blades – everyone was given their space and more. “I know”, Keith managed to grunt as response without his voice cracking too much. He turned away, trying to push the unwelcome whirlwind of emotions down and away before they consumed him. “Thanks”, he said over his shoulder as an afterthought while making his leave – running away before someone got too close again – knowing full well that the Galra heard him nonetheless.

Without running into too many Blades, Keith managed to slip to a window ledge in one of the more isolated areas of the base. While his feelings were threatening to work themselves into override, Keith managed to pull his legs and rest his back to the unyielding, cold metal panel behind him. In silence, he wrapped hand around his knees, curling into protective ball – as if it would help shielding the outside world away – and focused his blurry eyes to the giant blue star outside. For as long as Keith could remember, he had been staring up to the sky, wondering what was out there, reaching towards the unknown galaxies. Out there had turned out to be good and bad aliens, some grey in-betweens, resistance forces to triumph evil, princess and her advisor of ancient, extinct race and five robocats. Unexpected, really, but what even was more surprising of a find had been a concept of a family.

Keith let out a shaky breath, resting his head on his knees. Logically, leaving Voltron was the best choice he could make – the others were a good team and within week or two, even less, they wouldn’t even notice he was gone. It wasn’t like he’d been there a lot during the past months to begin with, so the change wasn’t going to be big in the first place. They were better off without him.

As for the Blade of Marmora… Current average of survived missions per person seemed to be around five. It didn’t really encourage to form bonds, if one was being honest.

People left. People died. It was better to either not get attached or in case of accidents, leave before being left. Simple, really. Something he had managed to forget, never mind how hard that lesson had been drilled into him back on Earth by bullies, so-called friends, supposed parents… Keith barked a laughter that came out something akin to a sob. Mistake.

And now, saving thousands, saving the entire galaxy might require giant robot lions and bonds between their irreplaceable pilots, but it was clear that it wouldn’t be all it needed. Besides Voltron, skills and sacrifices of all sorts were required and needed, and that suited Keith just fine. It hurt to leave them behind, hurt to cut the ties down, but at least this time it was a necessity and it was by his choice.

_~~Liar.~~ _

From tomorrow on, Voltron could focus on itself, onto teamwork, onto what mattered. Keith would throw himself onto being a Blade, 110%, focus on the mission. His fuck-ups would no longer affect Voltron, at least not directly. The Voltron would be formed regardless of him and _~~his family~~_ Voltron would be fine.

Keith let out a breath, grey-violet eyes lifting back to the blue star. He breathed out again, more focused now, finally successfully burying the loneliness and shutting the doors around his heart, trapping the whirlwind of _painhurtjoylovefamily_ inside and throwing the key far, far away, stepping outside of the loneliness of his mind, leaving it all just there, undealt, untouched, unfelt.

The war wasn’t over yet, and he had a mission to focus on, a task to complete.

Everything else was secondary.

_~~ImsorryIfuckedupithurtsIloveyoudontleavemebehindreachformepleaseShiroLanceAlluraPidgeHunkCoranpleaseI-~~ _

_Everything._

 

**Author's Note:**

> I have not written fiction in years. Then came Voltron S4 (and Keith). I did not cry, but I forgot how to breath, and upon reflecting, things hit a little closer than I care to admit. Result? Here I am, with ~10 pages of artsy meta-ish stuff with far too many feelings and real life relations. This is the hardest thing I've ever written, and not just due to break I've had, but also due to how much processing it required. I always leave part of my heart in my writing, but this takes the crown by far.
> 
> (Also apparently there's more where this came from? A lot less artsy and meta, but looks like I'm back in the writing game.)
> 
> Thanks for Convallaria and Kiipykala for listening my rants, trying to keep me whole, and for being beta and meta help. Also thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed.


End file.
